Forget
by Way Walker
Summary: James Kirk reflects on his love for Rayna, the pain of remembrance and his desire to forget her. This story is set near the end of the episode Requiem for Methuselah before Spock causes him to forget about Rayna.


Requiem for Methuselah

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to Star Trek or anything else, I swear, cross my heart and hope to … well not to die anytime soon.

He had been fighting for …

He had loved …

He still loved a …

All he wanted was to forget, her face, her hair, her smile. She was so beautiful, so delicate and so … alive! And when they danced! In that glorious moment he had never felt so happy and carefree for such a long time but now he felt … foolish … tired … broken. In all these years, throughout all the seemly impossible missions, life forms and creatures he had come across, a woman would be his downfall.

How could he have been so foolish! Why didn't he see the truth about her sooner? Had he been so in love that he had been blinded from the truth? Yes. Rayna; the woman, the android he loved. Who he still …

Forget.

Why couldn't he just forget her, was that too much to ask for? He wished that he had never had met her, that they had never beamed down to Holberg 917-G to procure the antidote that would cure the serious plague that had threatened the entire crew of the Enterprise. In the entire universewith all its civilisations and worlds he had to fall for her, to dance with her, to love her. Rayna was perfect, everything he looked for in a woman. She was radiant, elegant, smart … oh how he loved her. Now she was gone, dead. But was she ever truly alive? Yes, to him she was, was still. Oh cruel fate!

He was a Starfleet Captain, he was also a solider and a diplomat but he was foremost a man. He was just a man. How could one woman do this to him? He had never felt such pain, remorse … so tired. The mission had been a successful one; they had productively acquired the antidote so the crew was no longer threatened by the plague, to his knowledge there had been no casualties reported but to him there had been. To him there had been one death, Rayna. If he hadn't witnessed it with his own eyes he would never have believed that Rayna was anything but a woman, such a wonderful…

Forget.

He had loved her, he knew that for certain but had she? Yes, that too he was sure about. Spock had even said so and he was someone that could always be trusted to be accurate but that didn't matter now, she was dead, lost to him forever. He was such a fool! To think for one minute that she would come with him, that they could live together, that … what was he thinking! She was an android, made to keep as a companion to an immortal being. Flint was far superior then himself but he was also a very old and lonely man who only wanted someone who would be with him to the very end, the same as any other man. Now looking back he couldn't believe how he had acted, even when he knew the truth about Rayna he was still willing to fight for her, an android. But he couldn't bring himself to stop thinking about her.

Maybe he should talk to McCoy; he could always be counted on to give him good advice or if not that a fine drink or maybe he could ask Spock to no … he couldn't burden his friends with his problems. He would do what he would always do, what was expected of him as a Captain, to be strong and face his problems alone. Was he truly destined to live his life alone, without love? The Enterprise would always be his only lady and he would always have Spock and McCoy by his side but what of a soul mate? True he was still young but he never felt so lonely, he was surrounded by people daily, issuing orders and taking command but when he was with her he was not a Federation Captain, he was himself. When he and Rayna were alone together, when she had touched his hand …

Forget.

He heard the door to his chambers open, without even looking he knew that it would be his first officer. "Spock" he said without looking up at his friend, confirming that he had acknowledged his presence and invited him to speak.

"The epidemic has been reduced and no longer is a threat. The Enterprise is on course as you ordered" Spock reported.

Good. His crew was no longer in danger, he was relieved but he took little comfort from it. He had once again lost someone he had cared for, a woman; no he reminded himself an android. But life still goes on, he still was a Captain and he had a job to do. "A very old and lonely man and a young and lonely man. We put on a very poor show didn't we? If only I could forget" he said. He never felt so tired, maybe now that he knew the ship was in no immediate danger he could finally rest, finally sleep. He rested his face on his hands. Maybe when he awoke tomorrow he could begin to forget her voice, her hair, her face … Rayna.

If only he could …

Forget.

AUTHOR NOTE: Like I have said before please review! I like to know what people have thought about this or any of my other stories that I have written. As always reviews are greatly appreciated so please review.


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